#GAY PORN STRAIGHT HELL DAVE HOW TO#
I need some words of encouragement on how to fix that situation and save me from this premarital loss of never getting head again. She was incredibly embarrassed in front of my parents and says she’s done giving me head. She told my parents it was an allergic reaction and my parents are insisting she goes to see our doctor tomorrow morning because of how bad her “allergic reaction” looks. We had to go to dinner that night, and she looked great meeting the family, minus her one eye that now looked like it had been stung by a bee and was nearly shut completely. Basically as I was about to finish I accidentally came in her eye and may have made it impossible for her to open her eye for the time being (hopefully only the time being?). She got to my house when no one in my family was home and I’m lucky enough to be at an age where I still have a girl willing to give head. Since summer is just starting she is came to meet my family. I’m a rising senior at an SEC school and I’ve been dating a girl for about four months. If you throw like a girl you shouldn’t even attempt this because they could end up on top of a bush directly beneath her apartment and she’ll see them and you’re done). Throw it over the mountains like Uncle Rico. (If you do this, you better Jamarcus Russell that underwear. So I don’t care how you get them out of the apartment - you can even ball them up and throw them as far as you can off the balcony. The only thing that can make a girl feel worse about hooking up with a random dude she just met at the bar? She hooked up with a random guy she just met at the bar who shit his pants and left them in her bathroom. So don’t trust your own drunken smell analysis). (Girls can smell approximately 4 billion % better than men can. Now the risk here is that she finds your dirty underwear in her bathroom, so you have to wake up before her and get them out of the apartment before she realizes - or smells - your dirty underwear. Then when you engage in amorous activity you make up a story about how you realized after you got back from the gym that you were out of underwear and didn’t have time to do any laundry before you met your buddies that night. You’d have to get to her place and then go straight to the bathroom - ideally use the bathroom in the main apartment as opposed to her bedroom bathroom - wash your ass in the sink and throw away your underwear. However, in the interests of giving advice for the risk takers out there, here’s how you would pull this off. Some might say you should have risked it - a bush in the hand and all - but I say no way. I think this is a low risk, high reward scenario. Then you hook up with her that next weekend and you seem like a great guy for passing up the opportunity to hook up with her the first time. Ensure you have her number and text her that you’ll meet up next weekend and then gallantly depart in the Uber. You make out with her when the Uber pulls up at her place, but then say you don’t do one night stands with girls you think are awesome. I was stumped, once we got back to her place I made up a story that I didn’t feel good and I went home. It wasn’t much shit but I could feel it in my pants, this girl was hot and I was thinking of all options. After a crazy alcohol filled night we got an uber back to her place, for most of that week I was struggling with food poisoning and I was finally starting to feel better that night, while in the uber the mixture of liquor, beer and drunk pizza finally caught up with me and I shit my pants. “I recently went home with a girl I met on Broadway in Nashville. (By the way, we needed five points in the final 4:15 of last night’s game to cover.
I figure it’s the least I can do for my eight year old since I just got him a job washing dishes at Bud and Alley’s to make up for my gambling losses for the next two weeks we’re down here.
But her ass is perfect!Īnyway, we’re going on a pirate cruise with my eight and five year olds today so Outkick the Show is at 1 eastern, two hours earlier than normal. If they ever do 30 for 30’s on how an Internet sports multimillionaire ended up broke, it’s going to definitely feature going into the pants business, buying Twitter stock, gambling, and my wife having a membership at every gym in America - barre, TRX, cross fit, Barry’s Boot Camp if you can pay $100 or more a month for a membership, she’s got it.
It’s Tuesday and as I sit here mired in an 0-5 NBA gambling run, at least I have Twitter stock to lift me - wait, it just hit a new all-time low? - FUCK.